lizzie mcguire, you disappoint me

i was really excited when this arrived today. yeah, i know that she is getting published because she is famous*, a (reasonably) good singer (ok, i admit i love her music and know nearly all the words to her songs (well, first two albums anyway)) and cos she has really pretty hair.

but i was more than willing to overlook that fact, and was looking foward to reading about Clea, the photojournalist with famous parents who hides behind her camera lens to escape the spotlight.

this excitement lasted until i opened the book and saw the title page. quite an aesthetically pleasing title page, it has the title (as you would expect), black and white versions of the cover flower, and then the author: hilary duff (this bit is fine) WITH elise allen (this bit is the bit that pisses me off).

ok hil, you want to write a book. fine. i don't have a problem with that. i also dont have a problem with the fact that you got published solely on your fame. i do have a problem with you putting your name on a pretty cover in big letters, doing all the signings, making all the money and generally getting people like me who have adored you since the beginning of time (or the beginning of lizzie mcguire) all excited, only to CRUSH OUR HOPES WITH YOUR SHITTY**, BASICALLY GHOST WRITTEN BOOK.

there is nothing left between us now. it's over***.



*hil, i say this because any chance at getting published on your own writing merit is gone when you need someone to help you write your book.

***although at least you credited elise allen for the work she did. i guess you aren't totally heartless (erhmm. cough cough. james frey you are a wanker.) ill probably always love you.

**it may in fact be fantastic, i haven't read it yet cos i am feeling so traumatised and let down. although, really, what did i expect? shame on me and my optimism.

an outdoor chandelier

hello! i'm back.

here is a review:





oh fuck. i think i just have a reviewing block. so here is a picture of some renovation madness:

oh dear

so i know that when i got my (shiny) laptop, i made a big hullabaloo about how i was now going to be a blogging dynamo.
i'm sorry, i lied.

it's just that i have all these fab ideas (well, i think they are fab) and want to share them, but then when i'm sitting in front of the computer they never seem to come at me, they always come while i am on my way to the dentist, or in the middle of the park watching my chien chase birds and roll in dead things (bad, smelly dog!) or whenever i am anywhere but in front of my computer.

consequently i end up with scraps of paper everywhere which i then instantly loose, or pink moleskines filled with vague notes on books i always plan to review RIGHT AWAY but then forget about, or when i do finally sit down to do to them, i get discouraged. i suspect that i get discouraged because even though i tell myself to just spit it out, i then get wrapped up thinking about all the hours and years that the author took to write the book, and i begin to feel guilty for not spending as much time on my review. so then i generally just don't review at all because i think to myself, well, how could i do justice to all that time and work with a few (often hastily constructed) thoughts and sentences? and then i start thinking, well, is this even what i think at all? and i get all confused and stop.

a vicious cycle indeed.

so today i have decided
fuck it

i will just spit it all out and not think about it and if i regret it later, oh well at least i didn't sleep with the neighbours cat
(this is not something i, or anyone i know, has done, but i imagine whoever did it would certainly regret it. at least, i hope they would)
(not that anyone did sleep with the neighbours cat. they don't even have a cat, a lady in a yellow car ran over it) (actually that's not true, it didn't die and it didn't belong to the neighbour either. i think) (it is true a lady in a yellow car ran over it though. i witnessed it and it was extremely traumatic) (for me, not the cat as the cat jumped up and ran away) (possibly to die) (this is entirely ridiculous) (i will stop now)

and now, see, i have written such a long and stupid post i no longer have the energy to review a book. oh dear.

placement

today as i walked towards the school gates there were cries of

'hey, it's the library girl'
'hi library girl!'
'hey, i know you!'
'hey, i saw you! on the weekend, at the bookshop!'
'hey, look everybody! it's the girl from the library!'

and one of the grade six kids i won over last time (tough crowd, but any mention of Glee and you should be fine...) greeted me with a

'dugong lady*! how are you!? where were you on monday?! what are you doing now?! ok, i'll see you at lunchtime!'

i felt a bit chuffed, and happy to be surrounded by such exuberance. this is so definitely, no questions, absolutely, my career of choice. at least until i take up travelling around the world with my violin and border collie. but then i will come back and be the library girl again! lovely.

*insert real name here

snippetty snippretty

okay, i was wrong. the finished cover for immortal beloved is in fact quite pretty. a little, i dunno, predictable maybe? but pretty. and reasonably enticing. reminds me a bit of american beauty the movie.

so i retract my rather rude comment to the marketing people (it probably isn't the marketing people that are responsible for the covers anyway, they surely have a design section or somesuch). bit harsh, sorry guys.

i got super excited when it arrived in the shop, and yes, i may have yelped. it was like greeting a slightly unpredictable, not to be trusted with your darkest secrets but fun to party with, old friend.

except, obviously, a book.

a book that i just discovered shares the name with...

a film about beethoven (ludwig, not the st. bernard)

the name in some love letters beethoven addressed to an unknown woman (i assume this is explained in the movie. i watched in ages ago but mostly i just remember beety chasing some girl around the table, giggling and groping.. creepy)

a hair salon in the 14th st neighbourhood that caters to the 'stylistas' of washington life.

now wasn't this just unexpectedly informative?

a new leaf

hellooooo my pretties!

i have been a crap blogger lately. i don't apologise, but i do say...

i got a laptop!

so now i can be a blogging dynamo, churning out witty, fabulous missives to my minions* and furthering my career as a dugong lady.

also, the laptop is shiny.

and the * is to explain that i do not consider you, my dear reader, to be a minion. i just really like the word and thought it sounded nice with missives.

ps.

i have been reading a little bit in amongst the frenzy of not blogging, but you can leave that bit to your imagination and instead hear about the picture book i bought today because i had been eyeing it off for weeks and could resist no longer.

the vegetable ark by kim kane and sue degennaro

allen and unwin

it is so so so lovely. and funny. and i love neil- he reminds of neil from the young ones except more productive.

i went to the european masters exhibition yesterday and found.... diagon alley! look here . hagrid is the one in the middle.

people find me when they ask for...

silverfish pee- i didn't even know they could pee, silly i know, but while i didn't give it that much thought, i just sort of imagined them letting it out in the form of a steam that evaporated upon hitting the atmosphere.

collier the bottom billion positive review- who is collier the bottom and why does he need a positive review?

silverfish in laptop- who let them in there? that was silly.

and

impossible challenges to do with food

impossible food things

things that are impossible with food

why do so many people want to do impossible things with food?

steph bowe, fiona wood and mr magnolia are also popular.

the ins and outs of what this particular dugong lady is reading right now...

freedom by jonathan franzen: by golly. this guy writes sexy sentences. by this i meant he has these hugely long and detailed pieces of story covered in commas and semi colons in between full stops and capital letters, and it still all flows beautifully and is generally just fantastically detailed, subtle yet punchy writing. as someone that frequently gets overexcited with commas and splashes them into her writing on a whim, or cos she thinks they look pretty, this kind of classy comma usage really appeals to me. also the actual book is pretty darn good too. and how pretty is the cover?! i'm going to have to go back and read the corrections too.

the ethics of what we eat by peter singer: recently i have been making an effort to be more aware of the world around me and to live on top of my rock instead of under it. i no longer eat any meat unless it i know it is organic, and am yet to do more research on the organic meat industry. if i don't like what i find i will stop eating it all together. i have also stopped eating fish except if it is sustainably caught (and i've been finding this hard to find out a lot of the time, so i have only eaten some wild salmon once in the past month), and in general i eat organic where possible. i am finding this book quite helpful and enjoyably, it isn't a tedious read.

more adventures of the great brain by john d. fitzgerald: written in the 1890's, this book continues the adventures of T.D.,conniving hero of the great brain, and, from the inside of the front jacket, 'proves that boys in Mormon Utah in the 1890s are the same as boys today- full of limitless energy and fun yet with a capacity for sensitivty and sadness'. so far T.D. seems to me to be a bit of a little shit, but i'll continue reading and give an update later.